Dear Diary,
I just realised that I got tagged by this reader, Girl. I didn't even know I HAD anyone reading this blog. According to her blog, this is what she said about me (direct quote), "her life is downright miserable". It hurt as hell, coming from a total stranger but I guess it was true. I do feel that sometimes, my life can be downright miserable, sometimes even worse.
Well, whoever you are, Girl I hope you will be able to learn from my mistakes and NOT repeat it. Don't live a miserable life like what I have to endure now.
PS: I planned to put some explicit entries on what I had done in the past, as this was suppose to be my personal online diary. I don't know how old you are and therefore, I'm thinking if I should go ahead as planned. I hope you're not underaged and nor will I get sued for misleading a young girl.
Dear Diary,
I don't like the feeling of being dumped. I thought that I had gotten used to that feeling but seems that one can never get over the feeling of being dumped, no matter how much you didn't like the other person in the 1st place.
Yesterday, I was mentioning that I there was 1 guy who asked me sexual questions on our 3rd date? Well, initially, I was pissed off at him. But after he didn't make much effort to apologise or coax me back, I got worried and sent him an sms to say that I didn't mind him asking, just that I was a lil disappointed that he had to do it so soon and that I would prefer to that those kinda conversations later on in the relationship. After about an hour or so, he relied, apologizing and saying that he's actually a playboy and all the girls he ever went out with were just for fucks (literally) and he doesn't want a commitment, therefore even at the age of 30, he is still single. He told me that he rather me not contact him no more. Immedietly, my hands grew numb and cold, I tried coaxing him back by saying it's ok and many more things. I brought myself to such a low level, I can't even believe it. Even till now, I still feel so used and abused that the feeling for him has grown. I guess, I will be able to get over him in a couple days time but again, these takes time and for now, I still feel shitty. Things I'll do to be loved and cared about. Sheesh...
Dear Diary,
I can't understand guys. Why is it all sexual when it comes to them? They just don't seem to understand that girls need nurturing and lots of TLC. All they seem to care is that they shove their shaft into the women. I'm just so sick and tired of it.
As for me, seems like the only guys I've been getting are exactly THAT sort of guy. Not even the 3rd date and he's already asking if I'm a virgin and what positions I like. C'mon man... Get to know me for me, make me melt, then I'll consider making 2 become 1.
I really pray and wish very hard that I will be able to find my Prince Charming, someone who will sweep me off my feet and ride me off on his stallion, into the sunset. *daydreams* I have actually found him but he lives a quarter of the world away. For the many years that I have known Matty, he has never once passed a sexual comment or even a thought about it, unless it's consentual. I really "like" him so much. I don't think there's anyone who can be half the man he is, except my last ex (but that's another heartbreaking story we shall not get into).
Dear Diary,
I think I'm a really confusing/confused person, when it comes to love and relationships. I'm so clueless, so much so, I don't even know what I want. One moment, I think I kinda like this guy and the next, I've already found a new target. All along, I have held a certain kind of special feeling for Matty. He has been in my life since we were 17 or so. I think of him ever so often and can even imagine a future with him (he's the only one I feel that way about).
But of late, I have been meeting new people almost everyday and they are closer to me than Matty (he's in Sydney - yes, he's an Aussie). Even my exs are coming back to me. I feel like I have a choice but yet I'm not sure I wanna take that course. I flirt back when being flirted with *winks* normal, rite? But at the end of the day, I still prefer Matty. Only problem is, he's not around and he's so damn far and he doesn't seem to wanna commit. I guess I prefer guys who are hard to get, compared to guys I can get easily, no challenge in that.
I actually have more to let out on this topic but for some reason, my mind's not up-to-date and can't seem to think of what I have been keeping these past few weeks. Maybe next time, the moment, I think of something, I have to get it out.
